How to Communicate Peacefully

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Originally posted on December 12, 2021. Reposted on December 12, 2023.

When you think of peaceful communication, what comes to mind? Do you envision Buddhist monks and other religious figures? There is actually a course and book called Communicate like a Buddhist by Cynthia Kane. Yes, believe it or not, the simple act of being kind to others in the name of cultivating peace can be defined and set into daily practice.

Provide the Benefit of the Doubt

The first, most basic way to keep your daily exchanges with others peaceful is to approach conversations with the benefit of the doubt. This basically means don’t make assumptions about other people’s motivations for why they say what they say. And also don’t try to predict how they will react to whatever statements you might be making. Doing so causes us to go into discussions defensively. No matter what words the other person says, we have already pegged them as being against us.

This can be difficult because our pattern-seeking brain tells us that “if I say X, he or she is likely to respond with Y” based on prior experiences. The key is to try and recognize when resentful feelings may be surfacing, and nip it in the bud. You can do this by talking through the problem with the person. Or, if you’re pretty sure that talking won’t help, you can find other ways to release the emotions you may have begun to associate with your shared conversational dynamic.

Show Courtesy

Treat family members and partners with the same courtesy and benefit of the doubt as you would a friend. Often, we become careless in our communication with people to whom we’re close. We might feel so comfortable around them that we feel free to express our natural reactions off the cuff. Maybe we falsely believe that people who love us should have to put up with whatever unpleasant ways we might be inclined to express ourselves at any given moment.

If you’re having trouble maintaining peaceful communication with family, you might try to imagine that you are speaking with someone else – such as a teacher, coworker, or friend. How would your tone of voice, words were spoken, and body language change when addressing said person? In what ways might you be inclined to offer the benefit of the doubt if you were speaking with a slightly less personal connection? Apply this different perspective to your communication with family. When we choose our words carefully and engage in mindful conversations, we are more likely to understand and be understood. That’s the best way to find peace at home.

Try to Impress

Speak to everyone, not just certain people, as though you’re trying to impress them. Have you ever noticed that you tend to be more polite, more patient, and more open to hearing someone else’s point of view when this person happens to be someone you’re trying to impress?

While our egos should not always be involved in our daily dealings with others, there’s no getting around that our opinion of how others see us can influence how we treat and talk to them. So if you know that you tend to get snappish with family members, or you don’t always listen and seek understanding when you should, recognize this about yourself. Think about how you might speak to someone whom you look up to. Then adjust your communication with everyone to fit that policy. Why shouldn’t we try to impress everyone we know? Ultimately, that makes people feel good, and if you want to create peace in your life, making others feel good about themselves will make you feel good as well.

Remember Your Manners

Use simple, courteous gestures and remember your manners. Manners and common courtesy really do go a long way in making our interactions with others peaceful and stress-free. This is because manners are other-people-focused. When we hold the door to let another person pass through, we’re conveying a nonverbal message. The message is, “I see that you’re coming in. I am welcoming you with a gesture of assistance.” When someone prepares us a meal, we can increase peaceful feelings toward and with that person by expressing our gratitude for the meal. We can also show in a gesture that we have considered for the other person, by waiting for them to sit down with us before starting to eat the food that we were presented.

How can you work to communicate more peacefully? Let us know in the comments!

Loving Life — The Reboot!

Dominique

This article provides general information and discussion about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this article, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice. Consult your own physician for any medical issues that you may be having.